And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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