just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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