dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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