I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
