Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
