Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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