I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
