We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
