I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
