last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
