I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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