She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
