Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
