Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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