I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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