His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
3 2 1 whiskey
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
