I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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