loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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