Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
