so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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