Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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