Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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