I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
