I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
