Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
and you fell through a lawn chair
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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