Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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