Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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