He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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