Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
