Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize