im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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