One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
