i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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