Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
