Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
