I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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