so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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