Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
