I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
