He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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