I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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