when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
