we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
