She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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