I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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