we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dignity is for republicans.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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