I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
