I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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