Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
