I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
