i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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