Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
