Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
