This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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