You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
