omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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