I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
