I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
