It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's blow job season.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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