i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
