Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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