Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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