I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
