Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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