benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
