I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
did you just send me my own nude
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
