READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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