dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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