you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
